Category: Sad

It's June!

6/2/2014

I can't believe its already June! Holy Cow! Where has the time flown?

Kids are out of school, all except my homeschooler, which we are behind since Devin's heart attack, etc., etc. So, the both of us are still in school. Ugh. I feel his pain--deeply!

However, the good news is that there are only 18 more days until Pirate Bride is scheduled to be released. (Tentative release date is scheduled for June 25th!) Not sure if that will come true, for I'm still working on it and have yet to send it off to beta-readers and get their comments back. The cover is finished, but there are always formatting issues at the last minute. I'm getting pretty excited about showing it off. :D

So...here's to Summer 2014!

Enjoy!

Ellise

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I'm sad...

5/14/2014

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Work as if everything depended upon you.
Pray as if everything depended upon the Lord.

I just wanted to start off with that amazing message. Now...

If this only affected me, then I’d shut up about it. Who needs to know except for my Heavenly Father, right? But it has affected my children for far too long. So I’m going to swallow my pride and spill the beans. What am I talking about? Finances…plain and simple. My favorite subject…not. It’s become a dirty word.

I know so many of you who are in the same boat. It’s tough. You stick it out, you put your shoulder to the wheel, and you work hard. Every single day. That’s what we’ve been doing for…well, always. I don’t mind working. I love being able to work hard. But…

I’m tired. I know my sweetheart is tired, too. Life has a way of making you tired. I get that. I enjoy that. A good day’s work is very satisfying. There's nothing like it. And we’ve been so blessed. Those blessings, along with the amazing people in our lives is what keeps us going. That, and our faith in a loving Father in heaven who carries us most days. I feel that. I’m grateful for those much needed tender mercies. Otherwise, I think I would have cracked by now. And boy, I’ve come close…

In spite of all the amazing blessings, we might lose our house now. What does that mean? It means moving to a new house, possibly a new community. It means changes in everything. It means packing up a full house that fits us perfectly and ridding ourselves of half our stuff (which might not be a bad thing…) so that we can downsize. Our home is our largest asset, but it’s also our largest bill (unless you add up the medical expenses together into one chunk), so why not rid ourselves of the burden and get a smaller one? I’ve asked myself this question a thousand times. We’ve exhausted conversations over and over again about the pros and cons. Mostly though, I’m just thinking of my kids’ sad faces when they talk about missing their friends, missing graduating from this high school, having to start all over and trying to fit in. They’ve had one too many disappointments in their young lives, and I’d just like to keep something solid and secure surrounding them—a refuge from the storm. I realize that home is anywhere you lay your head, but…it’s just hard. My kids are so good at hiding their disappointments that they almost don’t exist. Almost…

For example, just two weeks ago, our cellist daughter was supposed to go to State and perform her cello piece. She had won second place in our entire district! So cool! Yay, Calli! But because we couldn’t afford to pay the $56 dollar entrance fee, and because we couldn’t afford to drive her to Boise and back, she didn’t go. She didn’t get to perform the piece she had learned or her place that she had earned at State. *sigh* So disappointing. But, it’s life. We tell our kids that all the time. And it’s true. I really believe that. Sometimes these disappointments grow us into amazing people. She did try to do everything possible that she could do to make it happen anyway, even after we told her no. And even after we had exhausted every means in which we had to help, it still just couldn’t happen. I’m so sorry, Calli, for again disappointing you.

But what’s the big deal? Life is hard. Suck it up. Honestly, we couldn’t even afford her cello, and so that is when her friends began pooling money together to buy her one all by themselves. It nearly broke our hearts that her friends would have to be the ones to try and provide this heartfelt desire for our own child. But what amazing, good girls! And that story turned out to be quite literally a miracle of this age. Ask anyone who knows about it. She was actually interviewed by Idaho Falls Magazine about her experience with The Piano Guys. You can see her cello story here (pages 42-45).

We’ve had these amazing miracles in our lives, so why do I keep wanting more? Why am I such a whiner? Such a baby? Why do I keep begging on these social platforms for help? It’s embarrassing. I do it because we’re doing all we can physically/mentally/spiritually do ourselves to provide. And these platforms are extensive in their reach…or have the potential to. Our children have had a very different life than even me or my husband had growing up. It makes me very sad. Honestly, our kids (to their credit) think they have an amazing life. I’m so, so grateful for this belief. But because I want to know that I can feed my kids tonight, I want more. Because I want to dress them in more than hand-me-downs (I’m grateful for them, so don’t get me wrong!), I want more. I would like to make sure that they have shoes on their feet when they need a new pair, so I still want more. Is that wrong of me to want those things? I know that we’re spoiled in this amazing country, and in this plentiful day and age even, but trials are still trials. My health continues to be an issue. The medical offices are calling. The collection agencies are too. I’m concerned more than ever about my husband’s health since his open heart surgery. I’m concerned about being here to finish the job of raising our children and leaving them a legacy that is worth something. He is literally working his heart out for us, and I’m worried about that. I love him, and so do our children. We’re not ready to let him go.

So I keep writing, hoping that someday it’ll somehow make a difference. I know it does, but not nearly enough. Not nearly enough! I need your help, people. Many of you have come to know me through my writing, a desperate adventure that I never intended taking upon my shoulders, but this desperation became the creator of my own job—a writing career. It’s embarrassing, for whatever reason, to put myself out there in this personal way. It’s not natural to me. I don’t mind the creation process; it’s the sharing that’s uncomfortable to me. I’m putting myself out there to be ridiculed. That’s hard for someone like me. I’m naturally shy. But my children will always be worth it to sacrifice my pride. So, I’ll continue to write and be nervous about sharing it.

Won’t you please (here comes the begging part that I hate so, so, so much…it never seems to end, and I hate that!), please see the way to help me and my little family to stay in our home? Help us by spreading the word about my books here, and ask your family and friends to seriously support us by sharing this link here to spread the word. It starts with who we know, but it’s really about who you know. Imagine how big the circle can get. Does it really matter that I’m embarrassed, I ask myself? No. What matters most is my children. My pride will never be the same, so what the heck! I’m begging. They deserve the best security in life that my husband and I can provide, and so that compels me to ask yet again. I’ve done the work; so help me let it pay off. Please, spread the word to everyone you know to share our predicament and help buy my books. They aren’t that expensive. But it could really, really make all the difference. It could help turn our world around.

Thanks for your ear.

A very embarrassed, humbled Ellise (Ugh. I’m so sorry!)

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It's June!

I'm sad...

Ellise C. Weaver

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